PCOS - a diagnosis, not a dream crusher

Disclaimer:  If you are embarrassed by normal functions of the female body, just go right ahead and skip over this one..
This is probably the first time I have really discussed some of these things publicly and it while it may be difficult for me to bring old feelings back, I feel like I need to share this part of my history.  I think it will help shine some light on just how truly amazed I am at the miracle baby I am carrying.  I want anyone who reads this to know that even if your situation is different from mine, GOD HAS A PLAN.  Sometimes it unfolds quickly, sometimes it takes years.  If it does take time, BE PATIENT.  I promise it is worth it.
Here is my story:
After 4 years of marriage, in 2007 I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and told that when we wanted to start a family it would probably be a long road in which fertility meds would be necessary.   I was also told my PCOS was most likely caused by being on the depo provera birth control shot.   I was devastated and very discouraged as I researched what that diagnosis could mean.  I hadn't learned at that point just how far faith in God and in His plan could take me.  We didn't think we were ready for a family at that point, so we just went on with the day to day and my diagnosis sort of lingered in the back of my mind.   In my mind, PCOS was who I was.  I didn't see myself as truly a woman, since I didn't have monthly cycles like all my friends.  They complained of PMS symptoms, while I longed to have a reason to buy feminine products at the store.  I would go 6 or 9 months without a period.  After a while it became normal for me, but still a painful thought.  I  began to doubt that I would ever hold my own child in my arms.  For someone in their early 20s, that is a crushing blow.  In late 2010, after a short round of birth control to try and regulate cycles, I had a couple of normal 28 day cycles.  It was right after I went to a chiropractor and had my back aligned.  I got thrown from a horse in 1999 and apparently the part of my spine that was affected was the part that contains nerves that control my reproductive system.  Who knew?  I thought that maybe the adjustments had 'fixed' me since the first period was exactly a month after I started my chiropractic treatment.  But after the second period came and went, there was not another period that year.  At the beginning of 2011 I decided to make some changes to my health.  One of the causes of PCOS is being overweight, but PCOS also makes it difficult to lose weight since it makes your blood sugar all out of whack.  I had gained 40 lbs on the depo shot (in 9 months of using it) and almost 5 years later at the beginning of 2011 that weight was still hanging on.  I also had some prompting by my hypertension specialist that she thought my elevated blood pressure was more lifestyle related than genetic.  I assumed that just because my dad was on BP meds at 21, I was destined to a life of medication to keep my blood pressure in a normal range.  After an appointment with the hypertension specialist in late January 2011 I began to make changes.  I started going to Zumba, and then began Weight Watchers.  Women with PCOS are usually told that any decrease in weight even if just 5 lbs, will most likely kick start cycles again.  Well for me that seemed to be true.  I was amazed when in February of 2011 I had my first period in 4 months!  Then another in March!  When April came around, I waited and waited and never started a period even though by that point I had lost about 15 lbs.  Then came the familiar devastation and fear.  What if I was destined for a life of never knowing when or if I would start?  I was amazed when I had another period in May.  That was 3 in 4 months without the help of any kind of medication, which hadn't happened since high school!  I decided in June to start charting using a basal body thermometer.  Because I had never had normal cycles, there was no reason to try and chart.  But since it seemed like I might just keep having them I wanted to chart.  Mostly I think I wanted to do it so I could learn more about how my body functioned over the course of a cycle from start to finish.  I also felt in my heart that God's plan was not for us to have to use fertility meds, and I figured charting would be a good place to start in terms of starting our family.  By charting, I could pinpoint if and when I ovulated which was something that most people with PCOS aren't able to do.  I had another cycle in June, another in July and one in August!  By August of 2011 I had almost reached my goal of losing 40 lbs.  I was at the 34 lb mark and smaller than I had been in almost 4 years!  By the end of my August cycle I had been able to chart for three consecutive months.  I can honestly say I was, and still am, amazed by being able to pinpoint ovulation just by reading the temps on my chart over the course of the month.  By this point, since I had experienced 6 cycles in 8 months, I was considered to not have PCOS.  It's still a mind blowing thing to me.  I truly feel like God has a plan, and I feel like it was His time for me to get healthy and lose the weight, therefore helping me overcome the PCOS.   At the beginning of September I knew that I should be starting my period any day so I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I have taken many over the years, always with the same result.  The morning of September 9, 2011 is one I will forever remember.  I glanced at the test, expecting to see the usual result.  Since it was digital, there was no mistaking the word PREGNANT.  I lost it, and ran to tell Ben.  He says I actually woke him up because I was shaking so hard I couldn't get my words out.

I share this journey openly with you for two reasons.   1.  I want anyone who may be experiencing a similar situation to know that you are not alone.  Even though the fear of never having children can be overwhelming, and the disappointment of negative test after negative test can feel crushing, know that there is a reason for what you are going through.  It may not be made clear to you until much later, but it will.  Nothing much helps the pain inside, especially when everyone around you seems to be able to procreate at the drop of a hat.  However, try to remember when that happens that it is their time, and to be happy for them.  Your time will come, and it will be so amazing and so much more special than you could have ever dreamed.  You will also be able to cherish it more because of the time you have waited!  2.  I want to give credit to God for the miracle that is happening in my body as I type this.  You see, I believe He was waiting for us to turn our fertility struggle over completely to Him.  We had a hard time doing that.  We held on to our fear and uncertainty.   Until one night in July when Ben prayed over us.  It was one of the most genuine prayers I have ever heard, and we just cried and cried.  After that moment I didn't worry again about the fate of our family.  I just knew that God was in control.  He provided for us, and continues to provide every day.  For that, there are no words of gratitude grand enough. 

Thank you for letting me share my story with you.

- Lessa