One year ago today, we found out that we had a baby on the way. I still remember the shock and excitement like it was yesterday! That feeling still takes my breath away, the feeling that everything in our lives would be so very different from that moment on. The idea that a miracle was taking place right before our eyes, and that God had indeed heard our prayers for a child.
I never thought that I would get a chance to feel the love I feel for little Mr. Samuel (aka Peanut, Squeaker, Squeaks). I look at him and I see perfection. He doesn't know sin, he doesn't know differences in skin color, or differences in political preference. He is a blank canvas. I was a blank canvas once, and as I grew so did my views on certain things. My past helped me become the person I am today, and I will continue to grow and change until the day that I die. It's so overwhelming to me when I see Samuel do something for the first time, because I know that he has NEVER done that particular thing before. It's new to him, and with each discovery he becomes more 'Samuel'. I can't believe that God lets parents have the responsibility of teaching their children. He trusts us to show them a Christ-like love, and to not screw them up! No pressure... Every night before bed I pray that Samuel becomes the man that God planned him to be. That's all I can do, is turn this little guy (who we prayed so hard for) back over to God. Any time I do that, I think of Hannah, and how she prayed and prayed for God to bless her with a child and when He did, she turned around and gave her son (Samuel) back to serve God at the Temple. I know that our Samuel will make mistakes, just as I have. He will have regrets, as I have. I want so badly to protect him from pain, disappointment, and heartache, but I can't. If I did I would be doing him an injustice. Those things will help shape the fabric of his being, and hopefully he will look back at his life and be thankful for that. Hopefully he will know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much his Daddy and I love him. I pray that I won't waste ONE SINGLE moment to show him just how big that love is!
-Lessa
